"Patient reports being bitten by a snake. The assailant was brown in color."
"Patient absconded when his pants were returned." (A drunk piki-piki driver sneaked out without paying after we stitched him up. It would be funnier if he hadn't also left two unrelated 15-year-old passengers -- with related wounds -- on Ward II.)
"Oxygen administered when meter read '0.'" (For all of our non-clinical friends, a pulse oximeter measures oxygen saturation in the bloodstream via clamp-on finger probe. We get pretty worried when the meter goes below 90%. At 0, a patient would be long-since dead. Fortunately, ours was alive; only the oximeter's battery was dead. And a little extra O2 probably gave 85-year-old Tom a temporary lift.)
My personal favorite, however, is a photocopied sketch of "The Ideal Nurse" that is posted on Ward II's bulletin board. In case this picture is too blurry, the labels read: "Head: full of knowledge of nursing and the Bible. Eyes: to say 'I care.' Ears: alert and listening. Mouth: to smile for Jesus. Heart: warm with love... for others. Hands: gentle to soothe and comfort patients. Feet: quick to respond to calls."